Why let people (SRK, I am not talking about you or your stupid "Chennai Express" here) from other regions bash our city? Why not try to laugh at our own city ? Madras/Chennai, no offenses - I love you. So, Let's continue laughing along with Chennai/Madras,
You know you are in Chennai when..
11. "Idli-vadai-poori-pongal" - When you randomly check on for hotels and each one out of the two hotels, that you had noticed, are named as some "Bhavan". You find people at the "Bhavans" eating Idlis which have been generously bathed in sambar . You notice that you are charged extra for the gun powder at a typical Bhavan. You go to have buffet at a Five Star hotel and you find Curd rice listed prominently, in the menu. You observe that you get North Indian food at the Bhavans too; you also get Chinese, but all the dishes are cooked strictly in South Indian Style.
12. You hear people conversing in three main languages - Tamil, Madras Bashai and Tanglish (English in Tamil, or Tamil in English, God knows what) . All these are entirely different languages according to the locals, but only Tamil has a script. All the English words are suffixed with an "aa", namely "Straight-a", "Ticket-a" "Bat-a" etc. You notice that the locals love their "Kiri-ket" (Cricket)
13. You try to play a game of Cricket with the kids on the streets and you hear some unique cricketing slang/lingo that you can't make head or tail of, you are mostly referred to as "Osi gaji" and you also get to hear unique words like "Bongu", "Dooku", "Suthurathu" and "Waitees" to name a few.
14. You walk behind the "Central" part of the city and you are pleasantly surprised at the sight that greets you, and you begin thinking that you had magically travelled to the north of our country, to the narrow lanes of Delhi or Jaipur - you are wrong. You are at 'Sowcarpet' ! The Locals recommend you to go to "Marina" with your family, and to "Bessie" with your friends. They recommend you to take your "special" friend on a drive on the ECR. They also recommend you to travel to the Oasis next door, also known as Pondy.
15. When the Monsoon season for the rest of the country is from June to September, but the monsoon season for your city is from October to December. You are definitely at Chennai ! And when it rains, it pours, and you see that all the roads have automatically transformed, they have become like the beautiful canals at Venice.(You never knew the Chennai corporation had a 99 year pact with the Venice city council)
16. As travel across the city, if you notice images of various sizes, in various shapes, of a fair and chubby woman with salt and pepper looks, dressed in colourful shawls, staring at you with a charismatic smile - then, welcome to Chennai. Come after five years, you would notice that the person in the pictures has changed - it is now, a bald old man sporting a big black sunglasses, that is the way things are here. Everything changes here for every five years. You are also bound to notice posters of others like 'Thalapathy', 'Captain' etc.
17. If your mechanic recommends you to go to "Puthupet" to buy genuine spare parts for your bike, car, auto or even your lorry. The Irony - You are asked to search for any lost/stolen bikes in the same area too. If you go to Richie street to buy genuine Chinese electronic gadgets, mobiles, computers and computer peripherals, or even to repair your old computer.If you have to raid 'Burma Bazaar' for all imported goods and foreign movies, or old Hollywood classics.
18. In month of December/January, you see non-stop classical musical concerts being held, all around the city. You are curious, and you ask your friends about it, and they tell you that the food at the concerts is extremely good but they have never been to a classical music concert. They frequent the food courts at the "Sabhas" though, they recommend you to watch any comic play of "Crazy Mohan" or "S.Ve.Sekhar"
19. As you drive across the city, you see Hindu priests with half shaven heads and ponytails, with either three horizontal lines of holy ash smeared across their foreheads, or with vertical tilaks on their foreheads, zooming stylishly across in their bikes. You notice mobile jewellery shops disguised as women, dressed in heavy kanchipuram silk sarees with bundles of jasmine on their heads. The default dress code for all politicians you notice is white shirt and dhoti, with a white belt.
20. People wake up at 4 am and take oil bath and burst crackers on Diwali - in contrast to the rest of India, where they start bursting crackers mostly after noon. When you go to watch a game of Cricket and observe that the crowds are highly knowledgeable, and though they are fanatic Indian supporters, they arise and give a standing ovation to a victorious visting team, even if that team happens to be Pakistan. Then have no doubts, you can only be at Chennai ! Almost everything at this city, you conclude is different from the other Indian metros.
This part concludes my small write-up about Chennai.
A small dedication to Madras - Lyrics from the song "Chennai City Gangsta" (Movie - Vanakkam Chennai)
